Mother loss

Motherless daughters

This picture is of me and my mum on my 21st birthday, four years before she died in 1994. In those pre-internet days, people rarely spoke about grief, or had therapy, and it was many years before I met another motherless daughter, or even knew that this was a term, and one that applied to me. I devoured a book entitled ‘Motherless Daughters’* and for the first time I knew there were people who felt the same as me, and who had the same kinds of thoughts and experiences. There was great support and personal growth in that but it made me think about how different my life might have been if I’d found this support and processed my grief many years before.

And so, as a result, I began to learn all I could about the effects of mother loss at all the stages of a person’s life and I undertook some therapy specifically related to my own situation. I set up a group locally for motherless daughters, and this is now a multi-generational support for many women at different stages of life. I also discovered that motherless daughters were finding their way to me for individual therapy and so I was able to see ‘from the other side’ just how transformational it can be to feel safe enough to talk honestly about our mum, even if it is years after she died.

If your mum isn’t around, whether that’s due to death, estrangement or another reason, you’re likely to benefit from talking with someone who understands, whether that is on a one-to-one basis, or as part of a group. Why not explore this further?

*Edelman, Hope, 2014. Motherless daughters: The legacy of loss. Hachette+ ORM.

Why might counselling help me?

Often, when we speak to someone who isn’t part of our family or friend group, we feel able to express things that we might not otherwise say because we’re not trying to protect anyone else’s feelings. This can be especially true if our relationship with our mum was / is complicated. Being able to focus on ourselves and our own needs can really help with healing, and can also be beneficial in our relationships with others close to us.

Why might a group help me?

Many motherless daughters find supportive community in being able to meet with women who know what they mean and who share their joys and sorrows. It can be really isolating to believe we’re the only person who feels as we do, and so to find others who ‘get it’ can be validating and comforting. For some daughters, it's the only place they feel free to talk about her, and it's a space where, from each other, we can learn ways of integrating our new relationship with our mum into our lives.

I lost my mum ages ago. Why would this help me now?

The loss of our mum can impact us at different stages of our life, but unfortunately there’s sometimes a belief that grief is time limited. This can lead to feelings of shame that we’re still finding it hard without our mum, and there’s often a reluctance to talk about her. Being able to speak freely about her can reconnect us with our mum in a way that works for us now, and it can also help us find ways of bringing her memory into our lives and other relationships, if that’s what we want.

My mum died recently and I'm distraught, can you help me?

I can’t take away the dreadful pain that you’re feeling, but I can meet you where you are in your grief and be alongside you, holding space for you to say and be whatever you need, for as long as you need it.

I'm estranged from mum, do I count as a motherless daughter?

Only you know whether you identify as a motherless daughter, all the time or sometimes, but if anything on this page is resonating with you, or you have a complicated relationship with your mum, then it’s likely you’ll benefit from speaking with someone who isn't involved with your family, and who will allow you to speak honestly.

I'm a mother myself now and finding it hard. Can you help?

Absolutely. A recent report** suggests that 85% of motherless mothers found that motherhood reopened their grief, and that motherless mums are 3-4 times more likely to experience perinatal mental health challenges. The report also suggests that 95% of new motherless mums feel isolated and unsupported, which I definitely experienced many years ago. I’d be very happy to work with you and I also sometimes facilitate groups where you could meet other mums, so please get in touch if you’d like further information.

** The Hidden Crisis of Motherless Mothers, a report by The Motherless Mothers and Peanut, based on a survey of 2500 women in the UK in 2025. You can find the report here: https://www.themotherlessmothers.com/current-research

I'm a motherless son, what about me?

My experience has been as a motherless daughter, which is why I’ve focused on that. However, I’ve also worked with some motherless sons who’ve said they found it very helpful, and I’d be very happy to work with you if you thought you might benefit.

What about father loss?

The loss of a dad is also hugely significant in our lives and my focusing on mother loss doesn’t diminish that. My own dad died 4 years ago and so my experience of that adds to my professional understanding and experience of grief work.

This all sounds very difficult. Why would I contact you?

It can be really difficult to talk about our loved ones when they’ve died, or if they’re no longer in our lives. And it can also be really joyful! I’ve found that most sessions, either one-to-one or as a group, contain both tears and laughter. It can be validating, cathartic and healing to be in a space where you feel heard and understood, and where you can experience emotions freely. If any of this has resonated with you, why not get in touch and see how it feels for you?